A Conversation Between Boston the Happy-Go-Lucky Cocker Spaniel and Richie the crochety Jewish Corgi

So, what follows is an actual transcript between my dog, RichieCunningham Spitz and my friends Ryann and Scott's dog, Boston Fairweather.

Boston: Hi! HeyRichie! Hi! Hi! Richiehey. Hi!

Richie: (Yawn) (Roll onto side)

Boston: Richie, hey Richie! Hi! I'mBostonandmymomanddadareryann andscottandtheyknowyourMomSheri. Doyou knowmymomanddadRyannandScott? IknowyourmomSheriandshepetsmeandstuffandIlike it! Doyoulikeitwhenshepetsyou? KaraandLucaspetmetooandIlikethattoo! DotheypetyoucausetheypetmeandIlikeit! Doyoulikefood? Ilikefoodlotsandlotsandwhenmymomanddad andkaraandlucasgivemefoodittastessogoodandiloveit.

Richie: (Yawn again) (Snore)

Boston: RichieheyRichie! Areyousleeping? Iliketosleeptoo. Ilikefoodandsleepalot. AndwhenKaraandLucaspetmeandmymomanddadtoo!

Richie: (Crack an eye open) Oy. Kid, would you mind not hitting me in the head with your tail? You could put someone's eye out.

Boston: OkayRichieI'msorryIjustlikemeetingnewdogssomuchandyouaresoniceand
Ijustget excited. DoyouevergetexcitedcauseIdo! EspeciallywhenmymomanddadcomehomeandKara andLucascomeoverandsometimesIcometotheirhouse
andthat'sreallyfunsoIgetexcited.

Richie: Kid, you gotta calm down. How will you ever get to be alpha dog in your house if you're so eager?

Boston: RichieIdon'tknowwhatyoumeanRichie. WhatdoyoumeanRichie?

Richie: (Roll back onto belly and tuck one foot under with one foot behind) Listen, kid, let me tell you something. The most important thing for a dog is to make sure you are in charge in your house. You hear me? You have to be large and in charge.

Boston: IhearyouRichieandthat'sreallyinteresting. MymomanddadandKaraandLucas aregoingtoreallywanttohearthistoocausetheywillreallybeinterested.

Richie: No, kid, you're not listening. You have to be in charge of your Mom and Dad and Kara and Lucas. You have to refuse to do what is asked of you unless food is involved. You have to let them know when you are angry by peeing on the floor. You know?

Boston: SometimesIpeeonthefloorcauseIgetexciteddoyou?

Richie: No. I pee on the floor cause my Mom makes me mad. The important thing about that is you must wait until she is watching and look her right in the eye while you do it. Do you lift your leg to pee? It's important to lift your leg next to some nice piece of furniture and look her in the eye to make sure she knows you are doing it cause you are unhappy.

Boston: I'magirlIdon'tliftmylegbutIcantryRichiecauseitsoundsfun.

Richie: Great. So you go home and let your Mom and Dad know that they have to do what you say or you will pee on their hard wood floors. They HATE it when you pee on their floors.

Boston: GeeRichieIcan'twaittogohomeandbealfalfadog!

Richie: Alpha dog, kid. Alpha. Not Alfalfa. But I'm glad you get the point. Now, if you don't mind, I gotta get some sleep before I make my Mom give me dinner. See, since I am alpha, I say when the meals are. I let my Mom think it's her idea, but really what I do is poke her in the leg while she's working over and over with my nose until she realizes she wants to give me dinner.

Boston: IlovedinnerandIlikewhenmymomanddadgivemedinneralotandIwishitwasalwaystimefor dinnerRichie. Don'tyoualwayswishitwastimefordinnerRichie? CauseIdoandIlovedinnertime.

Richie: Yes kid. I love dinner time. And it's coming up soon, so why don't you go find that Mom and Dad of yours and see if you can make it come any sooner. Remember, you are in charge! You're the puppetmaster. They are just there to buy the food and pick up the poop.

Boston: ByeRichieBye! IhadfuntalkingtoyouRichiebyebye!

Richie: Oy. Kids. (Yawn. Roll onto side. Snore)