Another Journey into the Strangeness That Is My Mind

So I'm laying on the couch yesterday evening (BIG SHOCKER!!!) and watching the time tick by on the clock. It's 5:30. Then it's 5:31, followed immediately by 5:32. (I am a GENIUS at predicting the passage of time. A GENIUS!) Why was I watching the minutes tick by, you ask? Because I had a party last night at 7:00 and I had to be there at 6:30.

Must arrive at 6:30 and will have a 15 min drive. So leave the house at 6:15. And 30 minutes to take a shower and get dressed and ready. So must get in shower by 5:45. And each moment that passes draws me closer to the "showering" moment. And now we see the games I play in my head which make me late to almost everywhere I go.

5:32, I'm watching a TV show and realize that by the time the next commercial comes on, it will be time to shower. So there you go. The commercial comes. But now, it's only 5:37. Well, that gives me a little bit of time to watch the next segment. The next segment comes on around 5:38. 'Seven minutes,' I think to myself. 'That's probably how long this segment is anyway. And even if it's a bit longer, I don't really have to leave the house until like five after six, cause it's not really 15 minutes to get there.'

5:43 and the segment ends. But there are still two minutes left and besides, I don't really have to leave the house until 10 after, cause it won't take more than 5 minutes to get there anyway.

5:46 and the show ends. And it's not that I WANT to start another show. But I still have four minutes until I have to shower. So I'll just see what's on my tivo, just for a sec. Cause I remember now that I told her I wasn't going to be at her apartment until 6:45 anyway and I was just leaving myself extra time by planning on 6:30. So I'll just get in the shower right at 6 and be there with time to spare. And I wanted to watch that rerun of Gilmore Girls anyway. So I'll just watch up to the opening credits.

6:01 and I'm the middle of a segment, but I discipline myself in my head. (GET UP YOU LAZY SACK OF blah blah blah) So off goes the TV, and I stand with a heavy sigh.

Now here's the thing. I don't dislike doing parties. Quite the opposite in fact. I love them (except for the dragging stuff around part which stinks.) And I also do not, in any way shape or form, dislike showering. Once again, quite the opposite. I LOVE the shower. You would think I don't since I designate days of the week when I don't have to shower so I can "save my hair from drying out." And with the way I procrastinate when it's time to get into a darn shower, you would think I was the Wicked Witch of the West and worried about melting.

On the contrary, the only thing I am more reluctant to do than get into the shower to get ready to go somewhere is to get OUT of the shower. I stand there and count down in my head. 'Ok, I'm getting out in three seconds. One... two... three. No seriously, in three seconds I'm getting out. But I'll just make the water hotter for a second and then I am totally getting out in five seconds.' You see how this goes.

So I was standing in the shower last night, knowing that I am already running late and knowing how I hate to be late for parties, wondering why I am always so reluctant to get into the shower to get ready. After all, someone who loves it this much should be getting into the shower early in order to make extra time to stand in it. Alas, not I. Perhaps it's because I don't enjoy drying my hair. Or putting on makeup. Or getting dressed. Or even getting off the couch to begin with.

Whatever the reason, here I sit a day later. I did not dry my hair today so it is looking mighty stringy. And I have to make some deliveries to clients like some kind of sex toy delivering Santa Clause so people have them for V-Day. And I should shower, so I present myself in a professional context. And I am trying desperately to convince myself in my head that as soon as I finish writing this, I will disrobe and shower.

Who wants to place bets?